Booze talk

I have come to an almost shocking alcohol-related realisation, which has prompted me to act with more determination than a simple 'it's good for my health' could ever do. This is it:

1. Alcohol makes me act like a twat
2. Alcohol makes me poor - what a twat

Basically my findings were conclusive. Acute twatness. Twatly squared. Twatosity.

The case studies:

Money -

I tend to go out most weeks and if I don't go out I will drink, like drunk drink, at least once a week so I used a calculator and worked out that on average I realistically spend, give or take, £30 a week on the good stuff. That comes to a badonking £1560 a year. I found a round the world travel ticket for £1200. I could be in the Bahamas but instead I am a twat.

General twat-like behaviour -

I'm not about to repeat my mistakes across the internet waves for all to read and chortle and point, so instead let us take a look inside. How many times have you woken the day after a heavy night and had to apologise to everyone you know? Or have lay under the covers hoping to emerge in a Cormac McCarthy novel? Or, horror horror, thought 'who the HELL is that in my bed'? If you are thinking 'no, not me. None of those things rings true' then you are a rare non-twat amongst (although you are a liiiiiittle bit too self satisfied for my liking).

So there you have it. A big old 'what the bloody hell on a Sunday dressed in palms leaves and a bra!?' I am putting my foot down now - not in a straight edged, quitting kind of way but in a, ever heard of moderation you big loony, kind of a way. Who's with me??

Image by boreme

It's not that I can't, I just don't want to

I am not a quitter. I'm just no good at it. I am a doer of excess and a little bit of a silly human but I am nay a quitter. I tried, honestly I did. Last month I quit alcohol for two weeks, which was fine but to be frank it was really bloody boring. And time went slower, which you would think is a good thing but actually when you're living in molasses it's not. Then I quit sugar, did that for two weeks too. There were definite benefits to that, my appetite reduced and I slept better but I didn't have the patience or discipline to look at the ingredients in everything so there was certainly some accidental sugar consumption and you know what? I have come to terms with it.

This is my realisation: Life is not about denying yourself simple pleasures. It's just not. Life is about balance and sometimes about going really fucking crazy and eating a whole bag of crisps or all the cheese and wine you can find and feeling grateful you are in a position where you can even enjoy such pleasures in the first place.

I don't want to live my life thinking 'I want chocolate' but denying myself it because I somehow think that makes me a better person. I am not good at the denying thing. So instead I am taking a new path, a path of doing rather than stopping. For too long I have told myself 'I don't have time to exercise', whereas now I am telling myself 'I don't make time for exercise'.

I went back to the gym yesterday and I worked my butt off and I felt great. Tonight I will go for a run and you know what will be waiting for me when I get home? Several bottles of wine, every imaginable cheese, bread, crackers, chutney and my lovely girl friends. You can sit in the corner and eat celery if you want but I sure as a mole lives in a hole will not. This will make me happy. As Eve Ensler said: 

“Good is towing the line, being behaved, being quiet, being passive, fitting in, being liked, and great is being messy, having a belly, speaking your mind, standing up for what you believe in, fighting for another paradigm, not letting people talk you out of what you know to be true.”

Why is sugar in EVERYTHING?

Did you know that sugar is in everything? I'm pretty sure it may even be an active ingredient in toilet paper, weaselling it's way into the blood stream via 'hush we all have one' erm, routes. Bastards. To make it more frustrating, when there is no sugar there's this massively evil poison instead. It pretends to be your friend but it most certainly is nay. Obesity, depression, cancer - all side effects of a life spent without sugar. And seriously, who has time to make honey-based treats for a quick one stop sweetness pop? By the way apples do NOT count as a sweet treat and I may have trained snipers on your house who can see if you're disagreeing with me.

Anyway, despite the fact that I got off to a rough start (I ate a bar of chocolate on day three because it was really early in the morning and I had literally forgotten I wasn't allowed it), I am managing to avoid the sweet sweet taste of great. This is day five. I am also certain I have superpowers I never knew existed. It's exciting. Really.

But. The thing is. Alcohol has a lot of sugar in it, right? And, well, we decided that removing sugar and alcohol, while still being expected to function like decent human beings in our decent jobs that we like with people who deserve to remain unmurdered, would just be an unethical and rather idiotic move. So I am getting acquainted with the red vino, or rather, catching up like old friends. Not too much though of course, because I also have to go running four times a week...yippppeeee!!

Yesterday I even went in the rain, battled the elements, almost got blown into the sea - I am risking my life for my determination to be fit and have slamming abs. But the good news is, when I started out running the 1.5 miles (ish) from my flat to the old pier and back, it took me 25 minutes, which is shit but yesterday I did it in 10, which is much more respectable. The moral of today's post is - if you don't want to do it, you're probably very normal and no one can really blame you for it because it sucks. However, when you make yourself do it anyway, you'll feel like a hero!

Next post I am tackling my fear of vulnerability - it's bound to be a thrill.