It's not that I can't, I just don't want to

I am not a quitter. I'm just no good at it. I am a doer of excess and a little bit of a silly human but I am nay a quitter. I tried, honestly I did. Last month I quit alcohol for two weeks, which was fine but to be frank it was really bloody boring. And time went slower, which you would think is a good thing but actually when you're living in molasses it's not. Then I quit sugar, did that for two weeks too. There were definite benefits to that, my appetite reduced and I slept better but I didn't have the patience or discipline to look at the ingredients in everything so there was certainly some accidental sugar consumption and you know what? I have come to terms with it.

This is my realisation: Life is not about denying yourself simple pleasures. It's just not. Life is about balance and sometimes about going really fucking crazy and eating a whole bag of crisps or all the cheese and wine you can find and feeling grateful you are in a position where you can even enjoy such pleasures in the first place.

I don't want to live my life thinking 'I want chocolate' but denying myself it because I somehow think that makes me a better person. I am not good at the denying thing. So instead I am taking a new path, a path of doing rather than stopping. For too long I have told myself 'I don't have time to exercise', whereas now I am telling myself 'I don't make time for exercise'.

I went back to the gym yesterday and I worked my butt off and I felt great. Tonight I will go for a run and you know what will be waiting for me when I get home? Several bottles of wine, every imaginable cheese, bread, crackers, chutney and my lovely girl friends. You can sit in the corner and eat celery if you want but I sure as a mole lives in a hole will not. This will make me happy. As Eve Ensler said: 

“Good is towing the line, being behaved, being quiet, being passive, fitting in, being liked, and great is being messy, having a belly, speaking your mind, standing up for what you believe in, fighting for another paradigm, not letting people talk you out of what you know to be true.”