Big people in small boxes

I'm all for mindless crap. I love it, share the shit out of it, would waltz with it on a Friday night if I could, but a line must be drawn. These quizzes we all engage so much in are just dumb. Like truly and utterly stupid. Yes yes I get it, you like to do them because they while away some time in the day and really who doesn't want to find out what kind of cookie they would be - salted caramel by the way, I don't need a quiz to tell me that. But really they are the most banal, pointless expressions of self that have ever existed, ever. Here's why:

They put big people in small boxes and they do so completely shamelessly.

Which is fine when you're finding out what animal/ poet/ planet/ country/ molecule/ colour/ piece of machinery you would be - just a bit of harmless fun, right? But then we get to the issue of identity. How single are you? For instance. Like finding out that you're just a little bit single will provide you with the relief you need to get back out there and give it your best shot. DON'T panic, you are in fact only 15% single. Or, oh shit, you're like 85% single but it's ok because you said you like pizzas on a Thursday after 7pm so you're clearly a strong independent woman. PHEW.

Earlier I took this quiz out of curiosity. I mean, I feel pretty taken with my boyfriend of almost two years, but you can never really be too sure exactly how single you really are. I almost stopped halfway through but had the thought, what if they are taking the piss out of themselves and at the end they say 'come on guys, how many times you masturbate/drink wine alone/go to bed before 12 has absolutely no bearing on anything other than your personal life choices.' But no. Instead it was revealed that I am, in fact, very very single. Sorry Nick!


You may wonder why this bothers me. Indeed why have I climbed atop my soap box once more? It's not because I really think anyone pays any attention or even that the creators over at Buzzfeed (who I really love by the way) are doing these mega mountainous never ending quizzes in seriousness. What annoys me is that this is journalism these days. This is what reaches the most people, gets the most shares. It will out-circulate issues of sexism and abuse and persecution - yes this is true escapism.

Photos by Brandon Douglas and Jose Ramiro